A Travellerspoint blog

The Yin…and the Yang

THE BAD

Joe:
It is time to be straightforward with you all. If any have been jealous of our exploits, know that we write cheeky fun articles because sometimes it helps us cope. This trip has been the greatest time of my life, as well as a very very hard time of my life. Over a month ago Vanessa felt like our differences were too great. She felt that we could not be in a relationship and she felt stuck. She wanted to leave and I wanted to work it out. We tried several times to make up and sometimes the outlook was sunny. However, the weather was cloudy and freezing, and that led to unhappiness that led to fighting and resentment. We got very negative and emotional with each other every day. Today is our last day together, maybe forever (or at least until we sit next to each other on the plane to Hawaii). Vanessa will buy a cheap reliable car in Phoenix and sell it in Cali. The beautiful weather brings happiness, but it does not mend the wounds.

We will continue posting separately. I will go to public libraries. Good-bye for now, and you should all appreciate what you have this moment. Not because it can be taken away, but because everything else is a distraction. Sorry to sadden your day. We will have fun posts again soon. It ended like this:

Halloween night we wanted to do something fun in Flagstaff. There were 3 Taco Bells and we wanted to get a bunch of the free black jack tacos that they were giving away until midnight Halloween. It was going to be like our trick or treating. I wanted to do some trick or treating too, and V suggested going to a bar with a Halloween party and live band. We did almost all that, but V was in a bad mood like she is in often lately. She wore a scary mask on this Halloween. I was tired of being her punching bag and I told her that I wanted her to go sit somewhere else in the taco bell while I was blogging. She was super angry. I told her, “I don’t want to cling to something I don’t have. If you hate being with me and riding on the bike because you need your independence, then buy a car in Phoenix and take it wherever you want.” Her face looked like death as she darkly said, “You don’t want me to do that…”
“Why is that.”
“Because you will never…see me…again.”
“I don’t know. It’s like I was saying the other day. You are a very confusing person. Every facial expression, mood, feeling, and sign would tell people that you are a very complex person. I am often tricked and I think that you are just impossible to predict or figure out. You act like you are impossibly complex, but I know now that you are simple. It’s just like when last year you were moody every day. I was training for an MMA fight and I was practicing every day for 20 minutes with you. You hated every moment Until you quit. After that you never did or spoke of Kung Fu. I thought it was a complex issue. I told you I was ready to quit Kung Fu if you want to quit. Because…I can’t do it if it isn’t one of your interests. You were like, ‘Look…All I need is an actual school to go to.’ I looked up a school that night and we joined Master Yang’s Wu Tang School.”
“So, you’re saying that me driving my own car will solve all our issues?!” She still looks very dark.
“Probably. I think when you drive to Mesa Verde with your heat on; you might come back and want to hang with me.”

Vanessa:
I don’t feel like blogging anymore, so I guess it’s like Joe and I switched roles again. But here are some quick comments about the night (since this is rather important). The night started out at the first Taco Bell where Joe guilt tripped me into rubbing the scratches out of the visor with sandpaper and gel. I told him when he started this in Montrose that I wanted nothing to do with it. I liked my helmet the way it was, and I didn’t want to mess with it. Lucky for us, we didn’t, because then we would have 2 blurry visors instead of one. We fight over who gets my visor now, and I’ve been getting Joe’s visor more often than not b/c he is the one who needs to see on the bike. This has made me fall asleep on the bike more than once, and it’s not a fun experience. I’m either claustrophobic b/c I can’t see 2 inches in front of my face, or I’m used to it and it makes me sleepy b/c you’re just sitting on the bike, doing and seeing nothing. So when I tell Joe that it’s not that I’m lazy, but he is on the computer, and I don’t want to make the visor any worse, so I’d rather just sit and wait for him to get off the computer. But, I fall for his guilt trip, and I make the visor worse. This puts me in a really bad mood b/c it seemed like we were so close to being done with this visor thing, and now we weren’t.

So I set the visor aside and I sit across from Joe wishing that I didn't have to put up with a blurry visor for even longer than I had, and wishing that I wasn’t spending Halloween night sitting in a Taco Bell. Then he tells me to go sit on the other side of the room. He says that he said more kinder things before he resorted to saying that, but that comment was all I heard, and an apology never came. We went to another Taco Bell, then it started to get bitter cold as we headed to the 3rd. Then Joe tells me that he wanted to do drive through and sit in to get double the tacos. I was done with tacos, and this waiting in the cold at the drive through was not helping my mood. I am shaking by the time we get inside. When we finally drive to the bars and I try to pull myself together. Joe asks what obscure anime character he could be with goggles on top of his head, and I say Tai from Digimon. Its kinda like Pokemon, but cooler (but what anime isn’t?)

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Then I get the idea that he could be Akaja (Jenna’s boyfriend) from our assassin story. So I go in the bathroom, and I do my eye makeup like a cat, and I put on my green shirt (if I was more badass I would have cut 3 slits in it like Kaimera’s character has, but I don’t have clothes vb to waste). So I come back out and join Joe for drinks. The last time we were ready to split, drinking seemed to soften the mood, so maybe it would work its magic again. It didn't. During my first drink, rather than trying to salvage the night, Joe tried to salvage our relationship. But all I heard was how shitty I was being, and the apology never came. I understand why Joe would think that I was sulking at Taco Bell b/c I didn’t want to be with him, but the truth was I just hated that the visor was fucked up… and I didn’t want to be sitting in a Taco Bell on Halloween, I really couldn't imagine spending Halloween w/o him. And while I wanted very badly to be at home going to haunted houses, helping with Jeremy/ Ciani's haunted house, and having another Kung Fu Halloween Party; I still would want to be doing all those things with Joe. But how do you tell someone that in these circumstances? So anyways, we separate for the night, and I don’t feel like partying anymore, but Joe did. I sat there all night sulking, watched our stuff, and pretending that I didn't drink and just wanted to enjoy some live music.

The clincher is that Joe had a little too much fun in my opinion. I had people come over a few times and try to make me feel better, flirt, give me relationship advice, but I never played ball for long. Joe, on the other hand, made some rather touchy-feely friends. I told him that we could try to work stuff out between us as long as there was never anyone else. Fair? No. True? Yes. Did he take their numbers? No. Did it matter to me anyways? Yes. So I took my laptop and the bike keys, and I left. I got my passport and cloths out of the bike, and I headed for the nearest motel. I wasn't sure what my next move was going to be, and I started crying just thinking about it; so I stopped thinking about it, and I focused on other things. That's when I saw someone was advancing on me as I walked through a well lit ally to the main street (I always watch for shadows behind me at night b/c I can't hear footsteps). I clinched my fist around my passport in my pocket, flipped the cover open, and turned the pages so they were facing out (how do you know when someone slashes at you neck that they didn't cut you with a knife when you feel the sting of paper cuts? You can't see the damage, and if done right, they should bleed. Enough to immobilize them? No. Enough to give them pause so you can make it to the street where tuns of people are walking? Yes.) Then it spoke my name... and I know it's Joe.

We had ourselves a big fight on the main street that was encountered by a half man half goat (what are those called? Fawns? Something like that.) He did figure 8's, swerving around and between Joe and I as we fraught quite visibly in the middle of Halloween street commotion. This brought my head out of my emotional cloud for a moment, and not to say that the clouds didn't roll back in, but I was filled with sad clouds rather than end of the world thunderstorm clouds. We ended up driving to a motel and spending the night there (even though it was 3am, so it was more like spending the morning there).

At checkout Joe was not ready as usual, so I walked to Starbucks and started searching for used cars. I had little luck in Flagstaff, but a lot of luck in Phoenix. So, late afternoon rolls around, and we decide to drive straight to Phoenix (skipping the Sedona, one of my top 5 destinations on our USA trip).

THE GOOD

This story is going to be short, but very sweet. The good times usually go like that and it is always worth it.

We love Phoenix.
We camp in the 65 degree lows.
We have cooled off.
We are not separate, but not together.
We find an awesome Sebring convertible for 3 grand including tax, title, and plates.

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She buys it.
She says, “I’m going to all those places up north that I wanted to go to. Do you want to come?”
“Sure,” I say happily.
The little family dealer lets us park the Bike in his big Garage until we come back to pick up the title next week.
We head out for a big beautiful change in a convertible.
Vanessa always drives.
I chill in the front or the back.
I decide that a road trip in a convertible is as good as one on a bike.
There are pros and cons of each.
V decides that maybe this is all she needs.
For the first time on this trip she is not only happy, but relaxed…
No longer nervous…
And totally…independent.

Posted by - Rain 20:49

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Comments

Wow! You two have been through a lot, and you convey it in a way that's both gripping and thoughtful. The car seems like a very reasonable solution for now. I know I'm not alone in hoping this all works out. And, Joe, in answer to your earlier point about both of you being a handful . . . of something, but what? Perhaps you could consider how strength of character sometimes takes the form of stubbornness. You both have that kind of strong character, so obviously someone has to be able to give in, as you showed so well in this blog when you found that giving up your bike and the driver's seat is not a bad sacrifice.

by Sheryl S

sdtawkcab si gnipyt ym lla
sdrawkcab si tniopslrellevart
ko era syug uoy epoh
siht daer i erfoeb uoy ot deklat i dalg
won rehtegot kcab era uoy epoh i
rehto hcae rof tcefrep oot era uoy
rehto hcae evol

by georgi r

In case anyone was feeling sorry for Vanessa and Joe-just look at my poor mom! I give you guys a lot of credit for what you are doing, really. Being here in England I am having so many different and new experiences, but I also have some consistency. For you, your only consistency is each other, which should be a comfort, but what it really means is you only have one place to vent your emotions. I think that it’s really the constant change and uncertainty that is really taxing you, you are still perfect for each other, you just need your own space every once in a while, and other people to get annoyed with. Love you both, don't kill each other!

by BritterBee

Yeah guys...what they said. Lots of drama on a bike in strange places takes its toll. Take a step back, get a better perspective, take a deep breath, have a beer...it gets better.

(Although, 'nessa,...your poor mom has finally flipped out and is writing in foreign languages.
<sigh> I knew it would happen eventually.) ;)

by tzimmer

I really am sad I've not been keeping up...looks like I missed a lot in a month...I really hope things pan out...I can understand the car thing...I know I like to be in control more than you average female role (I think all of our friends are like that)...I don't think I could do the whole trip on the back of a motocycle...I think it's great idea to buy a car where Joe can fit in the passenger space and give Vanessa a chance to be in control and not just the chick on the back...

...I do think it's important to stick together...buddy system is the safest system...I know you are strong enough to fight off anyone who would give either of you trouble...but I do worry about both of you...stay safe...especially when you leave the states...write often if you are not planning on traveling together so we know you are both safe...

by CoreyAnn

You two are with each other 24/7 and I think that takes a tole. Even the best couples need a little space every now and then. Your relationship should become stronger with all these added experiences. It may just take some time for them to shine. Hang in there!

by buddy-JC

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